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| NOTE: Joe always deserves to be tabletopped |
The Basics of Tabletopping
Table topping is a quick way for someone you generally like to see in pain, fall on their ass. It's simple. Grab a teammate who you trust (no wieners), delegate who's going to be the table and who's going to be the topper. Who ever is the "topper" will go up to someone who deserves to be pushed and distract them while the "table" stealthily sneaks behind the unsuspecting victim. The table will then get on all fours (like a table, DER) and position himself behind the victims legs. The "topper" will then proceed to pretend to like the victim and go in for a hug but instead gives a steady shove by placing his hands on the victims shoulders. The victim will then start to fall backwards but ALAS! He cannot catch his balance because the "topper" is already behind him acting as an obstacle that will eventually send the victim too the ground, on his ass.
Beware: The competitiveness of this sport can spiral out of control. Just a few weeks ago we had a fellow victim try to counter the tabletop by avoiding the table, but ended up finding a kitchen counter corner. Verdict? 9 staples to the dome.
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| Does the guy on the right look happy? NO. |
Today, too many noob-toppers attempt tabletopping without observing S.H.I.T. What is S.H.I.T. you ask? S.H.I.T. is what makes tabletopping achieve the full LOLS it can. Lets look a little bit closer at S.H.I.T.
S. Begin with your SURROUNDINGS. What is your environment and what objects could potentially dent a skull or bruise an ass? Avoid trees, tables and cement as these can fuck your shit.
H. Next, we look at the HELPER. The helper is your table; your teammate. A good helper should know correctly when and where to position themselves for the topping. Choosing a retard for your helper will probably lead to fucking it up and most likely you losing most of your friends.
I. Think! Use your INTUITION when you tabletop. This is the hard part. Harder than a priest on a playground. The best tabletops occur when everyone sees you being cool and when the top-ee is least expecting it.
T. Finally, TAUNT. Rub it in their faces. Kick dirt or snow on them when they are down and certainly don't help them up. This keeps the desire for more tabletops high since someone is probably pissed off at you.
Now that you know the basics of tabletopping and the essence of S.H.I.T., go out and top with honor and bask! Bask in the glory of your victory and always be sure to watch your S.H.I.T.
And if you're still confused about what tabletopping is,
1) you're an idiot, and
2) Click here to see Tabletopping in ACTION!
This public service announcement was brought to you by Brian and Tara
